My apologies for the title of this post. We have come to that point in the political campaign where things have gotten so nasty that I can't take it any longer, and I am going berserk and I feel the need to type in all-caps.
I made the mistake of watching TV last night. During breaks, every single commercial was a political ad. Not only are they all political ads, but they have apparently reached the point where the candidates can no longer think of a single good thing to say about themselves, so they go nuts with the negative stuff against their opponents. And they whip out the slimiest, most derisive ads this week before the election.
It's hard to imagine how the candidates even have time to campaign for the election, what with all of the time they must be spending approving messages.
The commercials all follow the same formula. They start with foreboding music, and slow-motion, non-flattering, pixelated footage of the competing candidate against a dark background. The announcer, who apparently went to Bob's Discount Broadcast School of Sarcastic Annunciation, begins running through the laundry list of atrocities committed by the opponent.
They'll claim that the opponent is guilty of raising taxes, beating the elderly, kicking small, furry animals, having a bad hair piece, or having an annoying, screechy voice with an Alaskan accent. In the last five seconds of the ad, they'll play hopeful-sounding music with a shot of their candidate doing something vaguely related to being a leader, like signing a paper at a desk in the presence of a U.S. flag. Then the next political ad will begin.
While I'm whining, I should also point out to candidates that if you would like to guarantee that I'll cast my vote for your opponent, all you have to do is call my cell phone with a recorded message. That's right! I have had several calls from one local candidate who felt that I could have no better way of spending my cell phone minutes than to listen to a recording of his monotone voice.
Getting back to TV... I'm actually looking forward to next week, when we get back to regular ads that remind us to apply Head-On directly to our foreheads, and what to do if we experience an erection that lasts for more than four hours.
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Silly Smoot, are you so naive to think it will all be over next week? That's when the real ugly gets started. It's when we get to hear how so and so stole the election or cheated to win, the demands for recounts (at our expense, I might add) and so forth. Then, about the time the newly elected take office, it will be time to start campaigning for the next election!
:/
My request for all of those running -- Next Wednesday, go take ALL of your campaign signs down. I think any candidate whose sign is up for longer than 48 hours past the end of the election should be fined for littering.
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