It's Officially Spring!

I know what you're thinking: "Dude, it has officially been Spring since March." Well, sure, if you want to be technical, I guess that has been the case. But there are some signs we all wait for before we can really declare that the season is in full bloom.

For example, growing up in the small community of Punxsutawney, we had the groundhog, Phil, who would let us know when Spring was going to arrive. Just outside Punxsutawney, in the even smaller community of Big Run, there's a guy who has become well-known for his ability to predict the coming of the season by listening to his frogs (I'm serious... all of us from that area are completely whacked out of our minds).

There are also the famous Swallows of Capistrano, and for some, the harbinger of spring may be the sight of daffodils, robins, or a rabbit bounding through the yard.

For us, however, the arrival of Spring is marked by the first traditional appearance of The Swearing Neighbors. Yes, our idiot freakin' neighbors have been emerging from their winter slumber to delight us all with their daily antics yet again. Apparently we're at the beginning of Season Seven of this ongoing show, which has shown no signs of being canceled.

I had some serious feelings of optimism over the winter, when another neighbor pointed out a news article in our local newspaper. The male Swearing Neighbor had been arrested for assaulting the female (using the term "female" rather loosely -- she may be some sort of new species) Swearing Neighbor. I had high hopes that maybe he kicked her out of the house, or they got thrown into jail, or if my fantasies came fully true, they had been minced up in a giant blender.

But no, apparently we will have the pleasure of hearing their performances for yet another year. As soon as the weather gets nice, the Swearing Neighbors fling open the doors so we can all enjoy their incessant screaming. It's so much fun.

You may be thinking, "Gee, I wonder if Hank ever gets concerned that the Swearing Neighbors could be reading what he says about them on his blog!" No, I do not have such fears. I am quite confident that neither of these geniuses would have a clue how to operate a computer. If someone gave them a computer as a gift, I promise you the only use they'd have for it would be to bash one another on the head with the hard drive.