Pimping Our Cat

Normally Little Smoot has a fairly decent degree of common sense. She has a whole lot more sense than I had when I was 10, that's for sure.

My parents often remind me about the day I couldn't seem to squeeze glue out of a bottle of Elmer's, so I took matters into my own hands. Actually, I took matters into my own feet after I spent a significant amount of time squeezing the stupid bottle to no avail. I eventually decided that the best method of getting the glue to come out would obviously be to put the bottle on the floor and stomp on it.

Well, the good news was that this idea worked perfectly in the sense of getting glue to flow. It wasn't such a great idea, however, in terms of creating a big line of glue that extended from one end of my room to the other. For many years there was this mysteriously hard portion of carpet in that room, right up until the day my folks finally got new carpeting in there.

Anyway, Little Smoot has not stooped to my prepubescent levels of stupidity so far. She came reasonably close on Sunday night, though.

For some reason she decided that the cat could use some decorating. Apparently she noticed that she had two things in her room: the cat, and those bead necklace things, like the ones people throw to girls who flash their boobs during Mardi Gras in New Orleans. I'm pretty sure that's not how she acquired the beads, by the way.

I guess she looked at these two items and thought, "You know, these two things belong together!" She somehow fastened the beads to the cat in such a way that they didn't fall off, and in a manner that scared the living crap out of the cat.

Remember the scene in the Chevy Chase classic movie Christmas Vacation where the dog runs through the house while chasing a squirrel and destroying everything in sight? That was our cat the other night. Mrs. Smoot and I were in our living room when the cat came bounding down the stairs, tearing through everything along the way in an attempt to shed his new jewelry.

We had several tense moments of watching this blur of fur whiz back and forth at lightning speeds while various pieces of furniture went falling in its wake. It didn't help that the cat has been shedding like crazy lately, either. If we gathered up all of the fur that flew through the air during this incident, we could probably create an entire spare cat.

Mrs. Smoot and I eventually cornered Feline Smoot behind the couch and Mrs. Smoot dismantled the situation just as I was about to call in the SWAT team. After just a few short weeks of intense vacuuming, things should get back to normal.