Spam Season

Apparently the Christmas Season is Prime Time for the wonderful world of spam dorks. I’ve been getting at least double the amount of junk e-mail than normal these last several days, and it’s driving me a little nuts. I have spam filters in place, but these wonderful folks make sure they figure out a way to circumvent those tools.

Apparently the spam community really, really thinks that I need something called the “Snuggie Sleeved Blanket,” considering I’ve received dozens and dozens of messages about it. I never, ever respond to spam or give it a second thought, but I made an exception out of pure morbid curiosity so I could see what the heck a Snuggie Sleeved Blanket might be, so I Googled it.

I’m rather glad I did look up this fine product, not because I actually need one, but because the commercial for it was absolutely hilarious. The commercial begins with a woman lamenting the fact that it’s cold nowadays, and how can you possibly keep warm? You don’t want to raise the thermostat above 50, what with the rising energy costs.

She continues to explain that “blankets are okay, but they can slip and slide, and when you need to reach for something, your hands are trapped inside.” The footage to go along with that is pretty hilarious. It shows a woman who can’t seem to figure out the complexities of using a blanket as she flounders around, trying to grasp her phone while her hands are stuck. Apparently this product is geared toward profoundly stupid people.

Anyway, the Snuggie is the obvious answer. It’s a blanket with sleeves! Not only that, but when you put it on, you are instantly transformed from a moron who can’t operate a blanket, into a suave-looking person who just escaped from a monastery! These things look truly remarkably dorky, and this is coming from someone who isn’t exactly Mr. Fashion.

If you didn’t have the sound turned up while viewing the commercial, you would assume that the people who are wearing these things were all part of one of those weird cults, like those whack jobs who ate poisoned applesauce at the Heaven’s Gate compound a number of years ago.

At one point in the commercial, there’s a family wearing them at a sporting event. I promise you that if you would show up at a football game wearing one of these things, you will be beaten to a bloody pulp within minutes. And no jury would prosecute anyone involved.

I think I’ll just continue to struggle with the blankets, thank you.