The Freak Hair Fund

I've got to speak out against this Freak Hair Fund. Every year at Christmastime here in Pittsburgh, KDKA Radio participates in a fund drive for Children's Hospital, apparently for the purpose of enticing young people to get these modern, scary haircuts.

I'm sure you've seen these kids. Just go to Kennywood Park sometime if you want to see some real Freak Hair in action. I can't believe that we're actually trying to get more kids to do their hair like this.

Some of these kids look like deranged roosters as it is, for heaven's sake. Purple, pointy Mohawks… hair with enough grease in it to lubricate a locomotive… this stuff would scare Cyndi Lauper. Yet last year alone, the Freak Hair Fund raised nearly $2 million! What are people thinking? We've got to put an end to the madness.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: We've just been informed by senior staff members here at Hank Smoot Central that this is actually the Children's Hospital "Free Care Fund," not "Freak Hair Fund." Apparently this is actually a very worthy cause, giving free health care to needy children, and the similar sounding names caused Hank some terrible confusion. Please disregard the rest of this post. In fact, it's probably best to disregard this blog entirely, if not the Internet as a whole.