Putting the Blame Where it Belongs

I’ve been thinking more and more about my Easter Sunday morning incident, during which I somehow managed to wear two neckties simultaneously at our early church service.

For a period of a few days, I was thinking about how I could have possibly done such a thing without knowing it. Believe it or not, I was blaming myself for this! But now I have realized that this kind of thing couldn’t possibly be my own fault, so the obvious question is: “Who can I sue?” Obviously I experienced some degree of mental anguish over the whole thing, and somebody should certainly be held accountable.

People are always suing other people and companies for really dumb things. Heck, we just had yet another idiot who wants to sue McDonald’s because they were lucky enough to be burned with hot coffee.

So I would think that I should have plenty of opportunity to cash in on my misfortune. First of all, it goes without saying that I should sue the people who manufactured each of said ties. I checked them this morning, and neither one of them had any sort of warning label that would have reminded me to wear just one of them at a time. That’s clearly irresponsible.

I’ll file suit against the people who made the mirror I was using when I spotted the problem. Obviously I can sue the church for having such an early service; I never would have done such a thing had I been more awake.

I can sue my parents for creating someone as idiotic as me in the first place. And while I’m at it, I can certainly sue McDonald’s because, after all, there is one just a few blocks from the church.

See you on Easy Street!