Rock On!

I’m thinking about starting my own rock band. Not a real rock band – just a pretend one. I have virtually no musical abilities, so a real band is out of the question. This would be sort of like Fantasy Football, except instead of having a pretend football team it would be a make believe rock band, starring me.

I had a friend in college who had his own fake rock band, and he seemed to have a great time with it. Actually, he was obsessed with it, and he got really offended if we made fun of the whole thing. Which we often did.

Glenn had a pretend band called “Sneeze.” I can’t remember if the band consisted solely of Glenn, or if he had a few imaginary bandmates involved, too. Whatever the case, there were definitely no guitars, drums or any other sort of musical instruments involved. No, Glenn just enjoyed the concept of having a band, and he had even created marketing materials for it. Namely, he had a tie-dyed Sneeze handkerchief he had made, and he had serious aspirations of getting it mass produced.

After a while, Glenn’s obsession with his band got to be pretty annoying. He had written a couple lyrics to a song – I think it had something to do with a cheese steak sandwich since he was from Philadelphia – and it’s all he talked about. And again, if any of us suggested that his band wasn’t real, he’d get extremely upset.

One day, in hopes of illustrating how ridiculous Glenn was becoming with all of this, some of my friends and I formed our own pretend band. We called it “Cough,” purely for the sake of mocking Sneeze, and we went so far as to make our own publicity photos. We posed with umbrellas and various hygiene products (pictured above) for our big time portrait. Glenn wasn’t impressed.

I’m thinking it would be fun to resurrect Cough, despite the fact that our members are spread throughout the country now. But with modern technology, I would think that we could still pretend to be a band just as well as if we were together. I’m betting that Sneeze probably has a web site somewhere.