Hip to be Cubed

I can still consistently solve the Rubik’s Cube in less than two minutes. Impressed? Didn’t think so.

It all started back in Junior High School. The cube was all the rage in the early 80s, and it seemed like it was an obligatory part of every backpack at school. I actually had two friends who managed to solve the cube without any outside help, but I admittedly read a book on the subject and devoted endless hours to learning how to solve it. And then I spent much more time learning how to do it faster and faster.

I look back now and realize that while I was spending my time on this remarkable endeavor, my friends were out doing more practical things, like figuring out how to deal with girls and so forth. But no, I felt some sort of bizarre compulsion to make all of the colors line up appropriately on this puzzle, over and over again.

Fast forward 25 years or so, and here I am, a 40-year-old guy who can still solve the cube in an average of a minute, 40 seconds. Woo! I’ll sheepishly admit that I still keep a cube on the nightstand and every so often I’ll whip it out (the cube, that is) and practice with it.

You’d be surprised to learn how remarkably little this ability has been able to improve my life over the years. I mean, not once have I ever gone into a job interview and the person conducting the interview says, “Whoa! Stop everything! A minute forty? You’re hired!”

For fun, I took the cube to a party earlier this year, thinking it would make for a bit of an ice breaker. I did have a group of people who watched me perform this feat (granted, they had little choice since I basically leapt in front of them in such a way that they couldn’t escape), and their combined reaction was basically: “Huh.” Oh well.

Anyway, if you or your company has the need for someone who can solve the cube with great speed and accuracy, please let me know – we’ll talk. In the meantime, Mrs. Smoot will be glad to let you know that I still haven’t figured out how to deal with girls yet.