Punch Bugs and Slap Priuses

Like most normal American families, we have always participated in the popular "Punch Bug" tradition.

The rules have always been simple: When you see a Volkswagen Beetle (hereby referred to as a "Punch Bug," heretofore, per se) the person viewing said Punch Bug is entitled to punch whomever he or she pleases, and without any fear of retribution. While punching the other person, you must "claim" your Punch Bug by yelling out "Punch Bug!" and the color of the car you've spotted.

So we can be driving along for several quiet miles, and suddenly hear "PUNCH BUG BLUE!" from the back seat, and then get a brutal smack to the shoulder. This is the way God intended it. Heaven help us, though, when we pass by a VW dealership.

Anyway, as we have spent many hours traveling in the car, the Smoot family has decided to add twists and turns to those simple rules. We have always added that only one person can claim a single Punch Bug, so you don't have the whole family punching each other over the single sighting of one car. Fair enough.

But as we traveled on our New England trip this summer, things really started to go downhill, rule-wise. Little Smoot and Mrs. Smoot started deciding to claim various colors of Punch Bugs. Little Smoot and Mrs. Smoot claimed all of the typical colors for themselves, basically leaving me with chartreuse-ish mauve as the only color I was allowed to punch anyone for.

So, to help make things a little more fair, I tossed a few of my own rules in. For example, if I see a Prius (other than the one I was driving), I could slap anyone I wanted ("Slap Prius Green!"). And Hummers earned me a free Indian Burn.

You can imagine what we must look like after driving a few hours, slapping, punching and Indian Burning each other ad nauseum. As we stagger out of the car at rest areas, we probably looked a lot like we were emerging from Michael Vick's kennel.

Thankfully the family has not learned how to use the terrorism interrogation technique of waterboarding, because I'm sure that'll somehow find its way into our driving before we know it.