It's in One of the Conditions

I have been known to do some odd things in my sleep.  When I was little I fell asleep on the toilet one time, which is really kinda convenient if you think about it.

I have also awakened myself with the loudness of my own snoring.  Come to think of it, there was one time when my brother threw a pillow at me while we were staying at a hotel, and then he yelled at me for snoring.  As serious as could be, I answered him by saying, "How could I be snoring if I'm sitting here talking to you?"  It made sense at the time.

But I would like to point out that I'm not the only one who has weird nocturnal issues.  One time, shortly after we got married, I was trying to find a pair of scissors in our apartment late at night, and I went in to wake Mrs. Smoot to ask her where where I could find them.  She appeared to be perfectly awake when I asked her about the scissors, but she responded by saying, "They're in there."

"Uh, where?" I responded.  "They're in there!" she replied again.  "WHERE?!" I asked impatiently, apparently because I really needed to cut something.  "They're in one of the conditions."  Finally, I knew where to find the scissors.  They were in one of the conditions.  I gave up on cutting anything that night.

But my favorite sleepy Mrs. Smoot story was the night when she sat bolt upright all of a sudden in the middle of the night.  She calmly looked around for a moment and then said, "H-o-l-y $%#&!"  And then her head fell back to the pillow and she was sound asleep again.  Of course I was up for quite a while wondering exactly what had just happened.

Mrs. Smoot will be glad to tell you that I am much more annoying and bizarre late at night, and I've done much weirder things while being asleep.  To her I offer these words:  Get your own blog!  It's in one of the conditions.