Please help me settle a dispute with Mrs. Smoot. Hey, that rhymes!
Anyway...
We seem to have a serious difference in opinions about how to use a fork and knife, and as a result, we're probably screwing up Little Smoot's meat carving abilities for life.
First, I should point out that I write left handed, but I do everything else right handed, which instantly makes me a freak of nature to begin with. I don't dispute that. I know I'm screwy that way. Nonetheless, I think Mrs. Smoot's method of cutting and eating food is wrong, counterproductive, and potentially fatal.
Under normal circumstances, I always use my right hand to work my fork. My method of cutting meat and eating it is pretty simple. I use my right hand to operate my fork, and my left hand to operate a knife. So if I cut a piece of steak, I use my left hand to slice it, and my right hand is still in charge of elevating the food from the plate up to my mouth.
Mrs. Smoot does something entirely different. Like me, she normally uses her right hand to manipulate her fork. But when it comes time to cut meat, she actually switches her fork to her left hand so she can use her right hand to control her knife. This seems crazy to me. It seems to me that even a professionally trained juggler would risk stabbing him or herself in the heart while maneuvering utensils all over the place like that.
Yet this is what Mrs. Smoot is trying to teach Little Smoot to do.
When we die, most of us hope that our obituaries will say that we finished our lives doing something heroic, like saving a young child from drowning in a river, or tossing someone out of the way of a runaway train or whatever. You don't want it to say "Mrs. Smoot, 40, of Smootville, died in an unnecessary accident involving her spleen and a very sharp knife."
So here's what I am asking you to do. Go have something for lunch today that involves a knife. A slice of ham, for example. Midway through your meal, look down at your hands and see what utensils they're holding, and report back to me. If you find your knife in your right hand, report back to me quickly before you stab yourself in your heart and/or spleen.
8 comments:
Fork in the left, knife in the right. I live life on the edge.
I'm deeply concerned about your spleen, Eric.
Yes, fork left, knife right. Note that the tables at restaurants are set this way has well. No hand switching is acceptable. And no "fist clenching" of silverware, and no elbows on the table!!!
But wait, they mention the "north american zig-zag style"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_utensil_etiquette
My brain started to bleed just trying to read all of that, Hubie. Needless to say, if I ever have a meal with Emily Post, her head will explode. And I'll wind up with puncture wounds on my spleen.
For the record, I eat the same way as Mrs. Smoot.
But allow me to propose a compromise: teach Little Smoot to leave the knife and fork on the table, pick the meat up with her hands and chow down!
How's the survey working out for you, dear?
Llew gniog t'nsi ti yas ot evah dluow I raf os. (I figured I'd better type this backwards so you could read it... dear.)
I'm right handed, mostly, but hold my fork in my left and knife in my right while cutting, then keep using my left to feed myself.
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