New Mommies and Daddies

I was thinking back to my childhood days, and I laughed ("LOL'd," for you hip people) when I recalled some of my parents' tactics for getting my brother and me to shape up.

My brother and I were constantly fighting with each other in those days. Constantly. If we weren't physically beating the crap out of each other, we were making a race out of something that shouldn't have been a race. I wouldn't want to embarrass him, so I won't mention that one time we were racing each other to the bathroom and it resulted in an injury that put him on crutches for several weeks.

When we were younger still, my parents had a hard time leaving the house without one of us freaking out at the idea of being left with each other and a babysitter. Again, not to embarrass anyone, but it was my brother who would cry his eyes out every time my parents left, leaving them no choice but to sneak out.

My dad had a strategy for dealing with us at that age. He'd threaten to place a call to the "New Mommies and Daddies Company," so he could trade us in for newer, better kids. Sometimes he'd actually pick up the phone and pretend to talk to them. I remember one time when he hung up the phone and announced "even they don't want to take you" because we were being so bad.

Little Smoot is old enough now that she'd never fall for the New Mommies and Daddies bit, even though, thankfully, she is almost always well behaved to begin with. I would imagine that most parents would be hesitant to use this strategy with their kids nowadays anyway. Heck, they would Google it right away and know that their parents were making the whole thing up. And then they'd probably file a lawsuit against them.

Somehow, some way, though, my brother and I turned out to be remarkably normal people. Well, he did, anyway.