Making the World a Better Place

Ok, so it has been a few days (?) since my last posting here, but I'm sure you would understand that I have been busy making the world a better place.  Day in, and day out, that is precisely what I have been working on all this time.

You see, back in Junior High -- where all of the world's best ideas are hatched -- some friends and I came up with a truly remarkable idea.  It's an idea that will one day shape the whole idea of productivity for generations to come.  Clearly, something of this magnitude is worthy of the time and effort, and if a blog entry or 50 go by the wayside, well, that's the price we have to pay for this kind of progress.

The idea I'm talking about, of course, is the Lunch in a Straw initiative.  In Junior High, we came up with a few brilliant ideas.  One of those ideas was to flick Jello (or whatever that substance was... it was probably called "schmello" or something) onto the walls of the cafeteria to see what would happen.  As you're probably aware, after several months this substance formed a remarkable bond on the wall, and it's undoubtedly still there today.

As a result of that research, NASA is currently using cafeteria-grade Jello to seal cracks in space shuttle fuel tanks.  Obviously, our work paid off for the betterment of mankind.

Well, now we want to introduce our popular Lunch in a Straw concept.  During those formative days, we used to experiment by taking our drinking straw and poking it into our various school entrees.  The end result was a straw that had inch-long segments of various food substances, or whatever that stuff was on our trays.  Think about it -- an entire meal, compacted into the convenient size of a straw!

We believe that this concept will revolutionize the food industry, and productivity will soar like an eagle on speed.  Let's say the average worker has a 9-hour day, and one of those hours is wasted on lunch.  Not any longer, it isn't!  The worker can simply whip out his Lunch in a Straw, and with one long suck he can ingest a series of foods, even an entire turkey dinner with all the trimmings!

Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, pumpkin pie, coffee... one suck, and it's done!  That one-hour lunch has now been reduced to about 15-seconds, and 10 of those seconds would likely be devoted to unwrapping the straw and playing with the straw paper.

Of course NASA is also interested in this technology for their programs, since the space savings is tremendous.  That's assuming they're ever able to get another person back into space once they retire the shuttles next year.

Anyway, I apologize for this lapse in blog postings, but I think you can now understand and appreciate my absence.