Things a 42-Year-Old Shouldn't Be Doing - Part I

I hope you have been enjoying your summer as much as I have.  I am happy to say that I have spent a disturbingly significant amount of time doing things that aren't appropriate for my age.  Actually, most things I've done this summer are more appropriate for the 9-13 year old demographic, if not younger.

Today's installment of "things a 42-year-old shouldn't be doing" is:  Capture the Flag.

If you're not familiar with this game, let me give a brief description (the term "brief description" will seem funnier a little later).  You divide into teams -- the more players the better, and you set up a field of play that can be pretty much any size.  Each team hides a flag on their side, and when the game starts, you try to find the opposing team's flags and bring them onto their own side of the field.  When you cross into your enemy's territory, they can tag you and haul your butt off to a jail area until someone from your team tags you to free you.

Ok, enough about the rules.  I should also mention that it's best to play this game in the full darkness of night, which I did a couple weeks ago with some of my closest friends from high school.  The full darkness thing was also beneficial for those of us who used the opportunity to participate in other "co-ed activities," back when we played this game in high school.

Our friend Todd has the world's most awesome field for Capture the Flag, the very same field we had a blast using back in our high school days when these things were much more appropriate.  As an aside, I feel that I should mention that Mrs. Smoot and another female friend in our age bracket opted out of our games this time around.  Booooo.  Hissssss.

Anyway, friends who did play came prepared for battle.  They brought their darkest clothes along, which helped them skulk through the field undetected.  I didn't have nearly as much foresight; I was wearing tan pants and a bright shirt which made me as invisible as a flashing neon sign.  I did, however, remember to bring my health insurance card along.

So as we began playing, I kept getting caught because everyone could detect my neon flashing shorts, and this got to be a bit frustrating.  About an hour into playing the game, it dawned on me that I was wearing really dark-colored underwear, so I made a strategic move.  I ditched my shorts, and put them in a spot that made it look like they could be the flag.  My shorts were now a very convincing decoy.

Sure, I was now running around in only my underwear in the middle of the night, but this actually worked fantastically well for a bit.  It's a terrible shame I don't have pictures of this, and I can only imagine your disappointment.

Anyway, the opposing team fell for my ploy perfectly, grabbing my shorts instead of the flag, as I sneaked into their territory.  If I had pulled that sort of prank the last time we played this game (20+ years ago) people would have thought I was insane.  Nowadays it's hardly breaking news that I'm running around on a field nearly naked.  It would have been more surprising if such a thing hadn't happened.

Coming Soon:  Part II -- Water Parks