Thursday, July 22, 2010

Insert Automated Title Here

I think the automated checkout lady at our grocery store hates me.  Then again, I think she might hate everyone.

It seems like automated checkout lines are getting more popular.  I see them at most grocery stores, Wal-Marts, etc.  When they first set them up in our grocery store, the automated voice lady seemed pleasant enough, and it was a nice change of pace from using the human-operated lines.  Our local humans are often unpleasant or generally miserable people, so I don't mind scanning items myself.

But a few months ago they changed the voice behind the automated lane, and I think she sounds a bit cranky.  She has this pompous-sounding inflection in her voice, like she's so smart just because she's invisible and everything.

Not only that, it seems like she makes a point of loudly announcing every item as I'm buying it, which can be a bit annoying.  ("Please re-scan your box of EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS... Please put your box of EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS onto the conveyor belt... Please put your box of EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS into a bag...")

My GPS doesn't talk, thank goodness, but I have always found those voices to be a little unpleasant, too, for the most part.  I think it would be great to be the voice behind those units.  I'd make a point of getting really annoyed with people who miss turns and so forth ("Hey MORON!  You missed the turn.  Now I have to RECALCULATE the route.  Are you HAPPY NOW?")

I'd have a lot of fun as the GPS voice.  I'd also probably try to intentionally steer people into oncoming traffic or lakes, too.  And I'd program it to say things like, "You let that old guy pass you?  Perhaps you should stop and buy a box of EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS!"

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