Not Cool Enough for the Fist Bump

On behalf of all of us in Smootville, I sincerely hope you had a wonderful Christmas!  Now that we have that holiday behind us, it's time to get back to the pressing issues of the day, like whether or not it is proper to "fist bump" someone.

There are two types of people in this world:  those who fist bump, and those of us who just aren't that cool.

Perhaps you have seen this fist bump thing growing in popularity these past few years.  Instead of simply saying, "hello" to someone, or offering a handshake, or even a high-five, cool people will stick their fist out directly at you, and the expectation is that you will extend your fist and bonk it against theirs.  Kinda weird when you think about it.

I remember a couple years ago someone had gotten into the fist bump stance in front of Little Smoot, and she had no idea what she was supposed to do.  I think she just waved at them.  I remember trying to save the awkwardness of the situation by showing Little Smoot how to do the fist bump with that person, so she'd know what was going on the next time.

The truth of the matter, though, was that I would have preferred to simply wave at the person like she did, because I'm just not cool enough to do the fist bump.

There's a guy I see on the sidelines of Steelers games who is a big time fist bumper.  He's a former Steeler player himself, and is part of the team's radio crew nowadays, and he's a really nice guy.  He's clearly cool enough that he can fist bump whoever he pleases, and no one thinks anything of it.

But when he greets me and wants to fist bump, I always feel weird about it.  Oh, I definitely fist bump him, because he's a rather large man and I don't want to insult him, but I know that if anyone sees me fist bumping, they'll start whispering because people know I'm not that cool.

Oh, and this particular guy wears his wedding band on his thumb.  I am obviously nowhere near cool enough to pull off that kind of stunt.

Even worse amongst football players is the full body bump.  You see players doing this after pretty much every touchdown now.  They used to spike the ball and do a little dance, but now it is mandatory that as soon as they cross the goal line, they have to find the closest player on the field and leap into the air directly into one another.  Otherwise they incur a 15-yard penalty upon the kickoff, I believe.

In a matter of a few years, I suppose that when we greet people, we'll just smack the crap out of each other.