Bumper to Bumper Traffic

I like elderly people. I even plan to be one someday if I'm lucky. But there really, really should be a point where they should stop operating any motor vehicle larger or more complex than a Hoveround.

I submit to you as Exhibit A, a profoundly elderly woman from our church. After church was over yesterday, I was beginning to pull out of my parking spot when I saw this woman attempting to get out of the lot. She had backed up, and at the point when I looked over, her back bumper was smack up against the front bumper of another parked car.

Another woman from our church was at her window, trying to explain to her that she was up against another car, and maybe she should try the concept of "Drive" instead of "Reverse." I hopped out of the car, figuring this was one of those rare instances where I could be The Hero of The Moment by offering to get her out of this predicament.

I offered to get her car positioned for her so she could easily get out of the lot and she could presumably go crash into something else a little further down the street. But she said, "No thank you." Apparently she seemed to think that she was doing a perfectly fine job, and so far her attempts to get out of the lot were going just swell. Either that or she simply didn't trust some young whippersnapper with her car.

As soon as she refused my offer, she anxiously resumed hitting the gas, oblivious to the fact that her car was still in reverse and was still up against another car. She was nearly to the point where she was going to squeal her tires while pushing the other car backwards. I stood there, mostly helpless, as she would inch forward (toward a classic car owned by another church member), put it back into reverse, thwonk back into the car behind her again, etc.

Once she finally exited the lot (I don't even want to know what happened to her beyond the parking lot), the profoundly elderly owner of the other car came out to leave. I thought he should know that this lady was bonking into his car in case there had been any damage, so I told him what had been going on. Even though it was a reasonably nice car, the man basically told me he really didn't care.

So I guess the moral to the story is that once you get to be a certain age, you just don't give a crap about the condition of your car (or other cars) any longer. The other moral, for me, is that I will know better than to park within a mile of this lady in the future.