The Mucus Permeates the Cavern

We were at church last Sunday morning, and a few minutes before the service started, one of our church leaders approached me in the narthex and quietly said, "If you see Grant, please tell him 'the monkey is up front.'"

Naturally when I heard this, I was pretty excited.  Judging from the tone of his voice, facial expressions, etc., I could tell that this was a very top secret communique, and that I should treat this message very seriously.  I excitedly and immediately began to search for Grant, who is a member of our youth group.

Sure enough, I found Grant in the back of the church, and I pulled him aside so I could deliver the message.  As quietly and carefully as I had received the message, I passed it along to Grant in the same way:  "The monkey is up front," I told him.  Grant nodded, and began to walk way.

I didn't want to pester him, or risk breaching national security or anything, but of course I really wanted to know the meaning of all of this.  So I just came right out and asked him whether this was some sort of secret code phrase, like the type of thing they may have used back in the old days to warn troops that an enemy force was approaching, or how they might communicate the timing of an attack or something.

Stone faced, Grant looked and me and said, "No, it's literal."  Turns out there was indeed a literal monkey (in the form of a puppet), and it was in the front of the church.  Grant was in charge of shoving his arm up the monkey's personal region and providing it with a voice during the service as a means of promoting our Vacation Bible School week to the kids.

Nonetheless, my enthusiasm for the whole spy communication thing was piqued, and I knew Little Smoot would join me in turning it into something really annoying for anyone around us.  So for the rest of the day, including a long drive to take her to summer camp, we were saying stupid things to each other like, "The crow flies at dawn."  And, "The cashew rests upon the mantle."  And, "The sloth has crawled upon the carpet."  Oh, and let's not forget Little Smoot's favorite one: "The stain is in the underwear."  Of course we both giggle ourselves silly each time we come up with one of these things.

While she was at camp, we were able to send her e-mail messages that would be printed out and delivered to her at the dining hall.  In one of my messages, I concluded by telling her, "The platypus barks in the shadows."  And that was the first thing she said to me when I picked her up from camp yesterday.  I like to think that the camp staff reads these things before giving them to the kids, and they were really wondering what was going on.  Little do they know that I was being literal about the platypus.